It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
