he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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