i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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