So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
