hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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