I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
