she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
birth control should be required to get into college
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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