when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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