My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
