Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
