At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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