dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
