If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
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