i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
