she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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