Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
