you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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