She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize