I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
