Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
