1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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