Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
id be glad to
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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