I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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