Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
