Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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