I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize