dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
