How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So many bounce houses so little time
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
