i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
