Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
