sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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