I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
