Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
