Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think people are normalizing furries
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