I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
