It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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