i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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