we made out on top of his cat.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
