she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
