It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
