I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
