The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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