I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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