Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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