need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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