dude i'm inner monologue high
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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