can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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