sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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