In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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