Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
