Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
