Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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