There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
look no pants
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
