it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
