I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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