Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
