Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
