its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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