but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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