I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
