I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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