I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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