I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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