Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
