Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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