do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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