I think I died a long time ago.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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