OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
