I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
