Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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