I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
