Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If I die, sorry about rent.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
