I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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