you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Semen is not good for contacts.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Dicks are not precious.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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