Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
