I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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