you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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