This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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