The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
