Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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