hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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