Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
