dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
