you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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