I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
