id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
