I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I can't turn off my feet"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
